i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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