You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
