well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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