The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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