would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
