i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
