operation have a gay friend backfired
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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