My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
