dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
