considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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