rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
