Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
