oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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