this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
