He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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