i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
