her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
