According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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