Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
