What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
