Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
