Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
