yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
