Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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