I CAN MOONWALK!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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