so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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