I want to stick my p in your. b.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
