everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
