Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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