I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
