dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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