so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
