I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
