I got chris browned last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
