Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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