How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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