he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
