Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
