Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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