Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
