hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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