Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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