so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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