I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Randomize
