I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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