no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
