you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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