I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
