We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
As shirtless as possible
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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