Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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