somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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