Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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