There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
