she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Omg I joined a choir last night...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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