just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
