yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
